Twelve

Day Twelve:  And if there is someone you can live without, then do so

I was asked recently if I would die for my country.  I have a skewed idea of nationalism, patriotism, if I would consider “fighting and dying for my country” the same as saving the ones I love, but if it is then I would die for my “country,” assuming that I am doing the saving.  I’m not a superhero, but I believe in doing your part for safety.  Be it mentally, physically, health-wise, I find it important for everyone to have someone to save them, I enjoy that most of the people In my life have that drive to “save,” or atleast contribute to the saving.  I love you Canada and all but I love the people who mean the most to me more.

Canada is one of those nifty countries I think. We are supposed to be nice and semi-clueless and love hockey and maple syrup, and although I guess I could admit to being all of those things I just identify myself as a Canadian because it is a nice place to live.  I don’t (always) feel like I am in danger, I can say that the healthcare system has benefited me despite being confusing and unhelpful at times, and I don’t mind the winter it doesn’t feel like home without it.  But that’s the thing, here it is folks, right down to the point here:  It feels like home but it…doesn’t feel like it’s enough anymore.

I’ve been to so many places, and maybe it’s because this is a hugely transient time in my life where I don’t know if Guelph or Waterloo or anywhere really is home, and Canada is beautiful and lovely and it wouldn’t be Christmas without a white blanket over the front lawn (just forget about the last couple of years) but I crave someplace that is truly for me, and I don’t think I’ve found that yet.  I need to keep looking, travelling, meeting people and seeing wonders that I have only dreamed about until now.  I want to find home.

Is it so hard to accept life the way it is?  Yes, I’m in a transient moment of my life, and I have ups and downs with happiness, and school is stressful, but I am…content with it.  It is what it is.  I can’t go changing things out of my control, so I’ve decided to just….deal with it.  Let it happen.   I’ve written about this a lot lately, but it is important for me to bring clarity and light just for myself to the fact that I am actually going with the flow for once.  Bam.  Look at me go, the training wheels come off, here in the real world, eh?

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