Day Twenty Six

Day Twenty Six:   I love Watches

My poem for today is nice I think I might share it.

We search a lifetime

For an anchor,

Something to keep us here.

I like to think

That now finally

I anchor myself.

“Afloat” is kept, present,

I taught nautical waves,

Sea-breathing, techniques for sailors

To save myself from

The drowning fall.

Maybe now I search for

Not a floatation device,

But a compass,

A path, rind, purpose.

I’m my own hero, captain,

I have my crew and ship,

I’ve been searching for my ocean.

I’ve spent the day out and about and I don’t think I was ready.  I was walking around the mall looking for things and I kept feeling feverish, but it all worked out.  I’m slowly getting back to watching Netflix, to tumblr-ing, to making tweets, but I feel very different now.  Something on my pain/hurt-o-meter has clicked and I’m in autopilot.  I think we all might be for a while.

Isn’t it strange to put things together?  To have realisations and conversations and visions?  To experience epiphanies in 20/20 hindsight?  We all deal with things different, we all have different perspectives, and I think today has just been the day of all days to realise those things.  I want to thank everyone for putting up with these scattered, unorganised, useless blog posts, I promise Monday will be thematic and lovely!  If only I could get to Monday.

I am determined to enjoy this semester if it kills me, but as for right now it seems to be getting harder.  The readings are useless in some classes and that bothers me, and for others there’s a plague of intimidation that form a prologue for each coming day.  Why is it that not only do I feel anxious but I have the hardest time focusing on these things?  Classes that I should enjoy, but because they are in a class I don’t?  I think (and AJ would definitely say) that it’s because I have that thought at all.  Because I think that they will be uninteresting therefore they are uniteresting.  I am determined, my friends, to prove my assumptions wrong.  It is possible, I must I must.

Alright, this all started with my poem, deteriorated, and then finished with class talk  I am all over the place and embracing it right now.  I promise these will get better, as for now I’m just writing for the sake of writing, and letting myself put words to some of the things I’m feeling.  Sorry if this isn’t interesting, it really isn’t for me either (minus the poem go read that again, I did, twice.) so yeah, tomorrow is another day, this broken heart will mend.

Infinite love,

x