One

Day One:  Come on Baby, don't fear the Reaper

Sitting on my floor with my mouse sitting on a pile of half-used notebooks, my half-cold baileys and coffee besie me, listening to the Blue Oyster Cult and Bob Dylan, I embark on another journey into my writing consciousness and a challenge tha, although I've done it before, will be different this year.  It wil be different because I say so, and that is all that really is important to me at this time.  I am also writing one poem for every day, that I may share on here once in a whie, if I absolutely love it which if you have read any of my poetry does not happen often. I am also making one vieo log for every day of the year.  Big challenge for me, still working on the logistics, once it doesn't look so pretty (thanks to Judith) I will post a link here, for now if you wanted to watch them...it's on youtube, it'snot hard to go through the list of usernames that I use on the internet.  I amso original.

Today is the first day of January, which means I turn 21 this month.  It also means that 2012 is over, which brings me great sadness....  I loved 2012.  I was in love, travelled Europe, realised my potential, wrote great things, wrote terible things, got hurt, and made incredible friends.  I have realised that the most lately:  I have the best friends in the world.  They support me through evry stupid decision I make, every immature thing I do, every hypochondriac fleeting thought I have, every ay I have to go to the hospital, ad they are there through every good moment too, to laugh and hug and smile.  God, I love my friends' smiles.

I think the biggest thing that I want to leave in 2012 is the doubt that I have felt for years about myslf.  I am ready to take responsibility or my actions, to make good decisions based on facts not assumptions, that's somthing I want to work on changing:  assuming things.  I want to be confident everyday, and tke risks,and love and be happy.  The odd thing is right now, as much hurt I carry with me, I am so happy.  I didn't evn cry last night when I was told some bad news, despite my inebriated state and my confused, frustrated state, I sort of smiled I think, and sent a friend a message, and then prompty fell asleep on a box filled with a George Foreman grill.  A thing I am noticing is that less things are bothering me negatively,and more things are helping me focuson the good.

I am so grateful for what I have, so happy to have had the friends and experiences tha I have had, ndam looking forward to  writing/challenging venture this year, because I know that in order for me to grow I need to be challenged, uncomfortable, and creative.

The times they are a-changin', my dear.

x
Jess