Seven

Day Seven:  Same Love

I wrote a poem last night when I didn't want to, I didn't want to write any poems this week thus far, but I made myself.  Sometimes they come out absolute shit, and other times they come out nice, and some times, those really rare times, they come out the way I want them to.  This was the one from last night:

You are a blockhead,
did you know that?
a square puzzled piece
that quite fits in with
my uneven everyday.

I won't write tons of musings about the success of my poetry, but for the most part I find that if I don't force myself to write too much it comes out perfect.  I love that poem, and I sort of don't really know who it is written about right now, I feel transient, like I don't belong with anybody and nobody really wants to fit with me.  That's okay, I don't mind bothering you all that much anyway.

Today was the first day of class and I only had one, and it was good.  Tomorrow will be a little bit more stressful, three hour-and-a-half classes back to back, but I am excited.  It will be nice to actually start the routine again.  I love routine, despite my lack of wanting to really fit into time periods or anything of that sort, I just like to have a time to get up and  to to sleep.  I'm odd that way, I don't want to be told what to do but I do want to tell myself what to do.  I think that's a very good thing about me though, better than letting someone else tell me what to do, right?

I've just been catching up with people lately, and am really happy about it.  I miss my friends when I'm not around them all the time, so seeing them truly makes me feel like I may fit somewhere, not negating my earlier statement:  I still think that I don't really fit anywhere right now, but I sort of fit with different people at different times.  I think it is good for people to spend time with different people because it gives you different perspectives on things, I know it does for me.

I feel so busy already, with all kinds of classes and all kinds of errands to do, it's a terrific feeling.  I actually really enjoy being busy, having something to do and a purpose, it is really nice.  I like being useful, it gives me purpose.  Do you like to have a purpose?  I do, I like to think that that poem above has a purpose in my life, and in my being, and that today my anxiety for classes had its purpose, and that everything that happened happened for a reason, no randomness, but not necesarilly for a common good.  Maybe that common good should be me and I should start believing it.

Maybe this whole world just moves in such a genuine way I don't want to mess with it right now, just letting things be.

x
Jess