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Day Two Hundred and Thirty-One:  In My Life

Pain mesmerizes me.  Sometimes we convince ourselves we are in too much pain and cannot handle it, and other times we tolerate so much pain for such a long time that it becomes a normal state.  Sometimes pain just happens, and sometimes it doesn’t, or it’s intentional, but one thing we can all get straight is that no one honestly enjoys being in pain.  We like to feel, but we generally like to feel compared to pain.  I like feeling full, and satisfied, and successful happy blissful, but sadness, pain, hurt, neglect, these things aren’t favourable, and when it comes to comparing anything to pain it is easy to feel self pity, and to feel sorry for yourself.

Life is hard, but you can’t continuously blame yourself for how your life is.  This might sound ridiculous compared to my previous posts about taking life for yourself and making things happen, but I do understand that for some people and for most people things happen that are out of our control, but the thing is I don’t know how to fix it, and neither do you, but the thing is is we all get through it.  It’s so funny to remember back to being a teenager and preteen and thinking everything painful in the world would be everlasting, and now knowing that waves of pain are literally phases in our life it has opened my mind to all kinds of different types of healing, but also different kinds of help. Pain, in my opinion, can be tolerated, but cannot be “fixed.”

I do think that you have a responsibility as a human being to acknowledge your pain, and that’s the first step to understanding it.  Recognise that you are in pain, and sit with that feeling.  Sit with the fact that shit that hurts, this is shit, this situation or dog bite or headache or grade on a paper, this shit hurts.  Acknowledge your pain, and then accept it.  Kay, that happened, this is happening, this has happened, etc.  After these steps, I suggest searching for healing and sticking to the search.  The first thing you find to help with the pain may not work.  For example when I get a headache I first drink tons of water to help rehydrate, and only if that doesn’t work do I move on to greater pills or medicines.  If at first your pain does not subside, continue searching.  If I just gave up after dirnking water I’d still have that headache from two years ago.  They key to tolerating and accepting your own pain is to not give up on yourself.

You deserve that relief, that validation of your pain, and once you have found that validation, that tolerance, then it is truly important to move on from the pain.  It never truly goes away, that feeling of hurt so deep it can never leave if it is true pain, but eventually it will become tolerable to the point where it only hurts when we think about it, like a bruise or a sore tooth.  Pain, like anything else, is imperfect, and it is inconsistent, and it is unreliable, and it will not go away with substances or neglect, only when it comes into the light and put away properly.

So don’t dispose of your pain immediately.  Allow yourself to feel it, but remember that pain isn’t everything, and if it is you’re not being honest with yourself.  The world is an imperfect place, it’s up to you to get yourself through it, not anyone else.  You deserve the effort, trust me.

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