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Day Two Hundred and Twenty:  Last Day

Tomorrow is my last day of work.  I am kind of excited and kind of not.  It’s one of those days that will be bittersweet indeed.  On one hand I have spent the entirety of my summer with a bunch of amazing hard working students who know what’s up and how to deal with some great kids but also with some weird situations/problems, and for that I will be grateful for.  As for the not seeing them anymore part…I am grateful for the time we have spent at camp, but I’m going to miss it.  It has been wonderful.

But I need to slow down.

Internalise that stuff there, I never tell myself to stop taking things on.  Or to take time to relax and to myself.  I need to be productive, and so this is me saying for the next month I will try to not start any new projects and just stick to the reading, short goals, events and shopping that I have previously planned.  Maybe I’ll start a yoga routine, but the probability of me starting anything grandeur-esque is slim.  I NEED to slow down.  I must slow down.  I cannot keep going like this.

I am trying to reconnect with my music as well.  I think that getting the melodies into my head will help a lot more than what I’ve got going on now, which is anything but cadence, and in my opinion if there’s anything important in your life worth keeping it is the harmony inside of you.  I will attempt to take in as much of that as possible, because this insomnia is unbearable.

I have dealt with insomnia before.  I have dealt with laying awake and not being able to think or drift or meditate.  I have dealt with all kinds of things through all kinds of times, but it’s not like I like it or anything.  Why can’t I sleep?  What’s bothering me, you might ask.  I have no idea, and that bothers me.  This insomnia needs to go home, because it is definitely drunk.

I think I just need to focus again.  Refocus the priorities, focus in on what I actually WANT.  What do I want?  What do I need?  I need to sleep, and stay there for the entire night, but also I need to make sure that I am getting enough down time before bed, as well as enough time to sleep, not too many plans piled up beforehand.  Wouldn’t it just be great if I was a normal sloth or something?  Sleep, what is that?  

Work ends tomorrow, and once it ends it will be hard to say goodbye, but it’s been so great and so rewarding and worth it that it feels like it is not a bad ending.  I am celebrating the time I’ve spent there, and then afterwords get to reward myself with entire days spent in bed.  Go me.

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