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Day Two Hundred and Twenty-One:  So Behind

If there’s one thing I’ve learned the past weeks during summer camp it has been that relationships are meant to develop and change.  If you are naïve enough to assume that a relationship stays the same as it has been for years on end then you do not understand humans and their ability to change and grow themselves.  There is no way for you to change and grow and still remain the same within a relationship, and so with these changing relationships comes the responsibility we have to everyone around us to make an effort in making relationships work.

For example while I was incredibly good at guiding the past few years this year I stepped back at it and let my other staff guide.  I am not the best at guiding to begin with, and this year something dropped in my confidence with my sight on the left side and it just wasn’t there.  I had to guide, but I would need to do it on my terms and that isn’t what guiding is supposed to be.  Also there were campers who I have never been close to at camp, but after the past five weeks I have begun to really enjo the company of some campers, some little personalities that are challenging and yet incredibly intriguing. 

And my coworkers.  My wonderful staff who challenge me everyday (probably without realising it most of the time) but still supportive and strong and personable.  My relationship with Lauren from last summer to this summer has become completely different and for the better in my opinion.  With my boss Jen, who has become more of a friend than a coworker this past summer in so many ways, and these relationships, howeverprofessional, have grown and changed with me as my journey has shaped them and allowed me to take charge of the floorplan of my own life.

How liberating is it to realise that the best friend you’ve had since you were a baby and you have gone through so many different things together, so many different changes and still remain friends.  I think the changing relationship between two friends is a testament to time yes but also to changing attitudes and compromises and fear of losing eachother that pressures you into changing with another person.  Maybe that’s something I am fearful of within a relationship because especially right now I am so set in my own ways and my own goals and life that it would be so hard for me to compromise anything that I want for someone else in such an intimate setting.  I am so lucky to have people around e who put up with my whims of four months in Europe and a month in Peru and jetting off to Ireland for grad school and whatever else I can cook up to throw at them.  I am so lucky.

My life, it seems, is changing right now more than I probably realise, and probably even more to people who have known me for a long time.  Isn’t it funny to realise that you make life changing decisions on a daily basis?  Even simple conversations can change your outlook on everything when it comes down to taking charge of your own life.  Just recognising this has got me just inviting in the challenges because yes it is hard and yes I know that I am not perfect but I think I have a good approach to life, and love knowing that people support me and agree that taking life as it is is important but challenging yourself (to an extent) is just as important.

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