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Day One Hundred Eleven:  I Do

My sister and I spend a lot of our quality time together watching the plethora of wedding shows available to us, critiquing them, chatting about them and how we will want our own weddings to be, and laughing at the outrageous-ness some weddings can be.  Bridezilla’s, absent grooms in the planning, it all seems rather…extravagant.  I think about weddings a mediocre amount, but I guess it’s an issue at my age… Or is that a myth?  My mom was engaged and getting married the weekend after she graduated college, having known and dated my dad for…years, more than a few to be exact.  I’m almost at that age, and there are no prospects as of yet.

I heard once of someone being nervous that she was my age and didn’t have a steady boyfriend to get ready to marry…  Is marriage really that big of a deal for people, in a way that it was for the our parents?  Or is a marriage only a window into relatively good benefits and someone to take you to the hospital when you break?  Is it about love?  Or is it about values?  Is it about being with someone who you enjoy spending time with?  Is it sacred if you don’t believe in things like that?  Or is it just a formality?

To be honest I’ve had my confusion around marriage for a while now.  I don’t understand why we make it out to be a huge deal, with a large ceremony and songs and friendship input (although collaborative weddings are more up my alley than spiritual ones) and a huge traditional party with scrict restrictions and expectations?  Why can’t a marriage, a wedding, just be the joining of two people who love eachother in a way that works for them?  Or is that what marriage is now?

Why can’t everyone get married yet?  Why are you privileged if you stick with the societal norm?  I’m so tired of thinking about these kind of things, but I guess I’m worried about it.  If I decide to not get married, or if the person I want to spend my life with decides with me, are people going to judge me?  Should I care?  Or should it be a big deal to me that my friends will be getting married?  Is common law still a thing?  Am I overthinking?

Yes.

I guess I’m more worried about the formal things, making a commitment is something I look forward to.  It’s about the fit, the comfortable-ness of both parties, and if it’s right for the both of them at the same time.  Timing, time, it seems to get in the way of everything, or it just accompanies the choices we make and allows us to go on their path.  I’d really enjoy having things happen to me already, instead of feeling so immobilised?

How do I get a move on?  I thjink it’s about letting it happen naturally, and just doing what I like.  It doesn’t hurt to think of a wedding someday, or what I would like a commitment to be like, right?  But I think that I shouldn’t get ahead of myself.  I’m twenty-one and comfortably so, nowhere near the scary thirties, but roaring right through as a twenty something.  Oh the age game, time, again hauntingly looking over my shoulder, telling me to get a move on already.

I downloaded new books today!  And have been making summer plans.  I just need to make concrete plans, then I can actually have things to do, and stop sitting around watching tlc wedding shows and the food network and going for runs, but actually living.  Life is fleeting, after all.

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