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Day One Hundred One:  Baileys in a Glass

I’m not one to often leave dishes or anything in my room anywhere, even in residence I washed al of my dishes right after I used them, and I carry this wherever I go, but I do find myself leaving glasses of water and coffe and tea all over, and I don’t know if that’s because I always find myself in the middle of a thought or actually doing something with it in my hand but a glass is always lying around somewhere.Not saying that this is a good thing but it really shows something about me.  It shows that my attention to detail is a little off, but who can blame me really?

It is not something that I carry on at the bar, no, I don’t leave alcoholic drinks at the bar and then come back for them, which is a good thing, but everywhere in my house there is a glass from me somewhere, and I cannot be blamed.  I like having one in an arm’s reach, but it’s something I guess I’d like to change about myself.  I’ve been thinking a lot today (obviously) about the tiny details and habits that I have that would probably be worth changing.  The glasses is one, but I could also change the way I set up my room (far too jumbled and cluttered), my wallet situation (or the way I used my London flipbook/tube pass holder instead of a proper wallet) and how I always keep the window open despite my father’s wishes that it remain shut in order to not throw off our home heating/cooling systems.  I do these things out of habit, but also because I am sort of avoiding change, or more change than what has already happened in my life.

Sometimes I trust that change is due, like during London for example I played the YES game which I’ve already talked about, and a bunch of other things that I am still working on but they’re worth it  It’s these little things like biting my nails, keeping my toothbrush on the side of the sink, and always taking my boots off the moment I walk in the door that may make me the person I am (even if I’m the only person to experience the effects of them) but are somewhat…hazardous?  Difficult?  And could be changed.

It’s not that I avoid change, I just find it easier to settle into being myself.  I think everyone does this to an extent…  It is more work to change yourself than to sit with who you are now.  Not saying that anyone should really change themselves on my behalf ever, but I know that I have recently convinced myself to change some little things and have stuck to those changes favourably, I really am proud of myself, but as I have covered in this post until now I have some pretty bizarre and albeit minor but poignant things that could be changed.

I’m not sure if any of these things will be “corrected,” we will have to see. 

As for now I guess I’m going to have to deal with always having short nails and glasses dispersed all over my room at all times.  I think I’m okay with that, it’s just the people who know me I worry about.  I always say I don’t care what other people think, which is true to an extent, I’m going to gallop through the mall if I wish because I really don’t care what those strangers think of me…  But the people I love and care about?  If they are disappointed or disgusted or embarrassed by me (the last one excluded for things in the mall) than it’s time to rethink my choices in my opinion.  Maybe that’s just me, but I care about what they think because in all honesty you aren’t alone your entire life, you can’t be, so be yourself and be yourself with the people who are around you, and if they like something do it for them, because it’ll make you happier by making them happy.

Maybe that argument is flawed, I don’t really care, it’s how I am for the most part.  A negotiation, a compromise.  I guess that’s how you could describe my relationships:  favourable compromises.   I enjoy being close to the people that I am close with, and they deal with my short nails, too, even if it makes manicures a little painful.

Love and hugs,

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