Sixty-One

Day Sixty One:  Little Frustrations

I’ve been missing the beach a lot lately, especially Sauble but for the most part the beaches from England that were rocky and quiet and had a lot more interesting things floating about than here in Canada.   I remember in Dover and just laying in the sun, siting up, and to be honest not really seeing it (because I don’t really ever see very much) but seeing France in the distance.  Just knowing that beyond the water was another country, close enough for an afternoon boat ride…just incredible to think about.  I miss that day, and the day in Brighton very much.  Two very different beach days, but beautiful and lovely all the same.

It’s not even that I’m getting weather blues because really I’d take this over huge puddles and those kinds of days when your pants and socks are getting wet no matter how reinforced or high your boots are, and no matter how long you work on your hair it’s going to pour on it anyway.  Those kinds of days are the worst bits, that’s why Spring is my east favourite season.  I think I’m just tired of being stuck in what can only be described as a cold, frustrating bit of time that I’m going to call March.  It’s not quite the end of school but not the beginning anymore, and every single class increases in stress due  to readings and assignments, and the end is in sight but not really because you have to think about next year’s classes and a summer job and paying for groceries until you move home.  School is hard, life is harder.

I’m most excited for the beach this coming season because I can actually go and spend time with my family, and bring a yoga mat and a book and set up a perch on the front porch and read and meditate, or to down to the water at sunset/rise and just enjoy it.  I have this urge to just go up there before we go on potential vacation, or on my surgery recovery period and bring a friend and just relax.  It’s the atmosphere, the intimate small-town feel where there’s restaurants on the beach, coffee shops open late and I don’t even think there’s a bar anymore. 

It doesn’t even bother me that there aren’t realy any people for me to hang out with there, I’m just eager to get away from the city.  I’ve been immersed in city life since last August, I need to retract myself from it and breathe again.  Remember breathing?  IT’s that thing you do when there’s no stress in your life.  I don’t remember it either.

As for the righ now I’m focusing on positivity and productivity.  During my first yoga class of the week (Monday’s at three) my instructor tells us to set an intention at the beginning of class for the rest of the week.  I usually choose one word like “positivity,” or “balance,” and it only comes to me after meditation; what is it that I really need to focus on for this week?  This week I’m not sure yet.  “Focus” would be really important, but I think something along the lines of “nurturing” would be better.  My intention for this year was nurturing, to nurture myself and my interests and my academics and friendships, it’s been important to me to just immerse myself in life.  In my own life, and do the things that I want to do.  I’m nervous about some research projects that are coming up as I only really have four weeks to finish them, but I am trying to be positive: I can do this.

They will get done, I will get a summer job that I enjoy, I will do everything I want to this summer and more.  It’s just setting that intention to get there. The end goal may not be Dover or Brighton (as much as I fantasize that it will be) but it is good enough to get me there.

I’ve finished all of the work I said I’d do today so I think I’m going to try to write.  This is so exciting, I haven’t had actual time to sit down and really write a good chunk in a very long time.  Let the madness begin.

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