EIGHTY

Day EIGHTY:  Dedicated Follower of Fashion

While in London I chose a Teddy Bear in a tourist shop that has a Union Jack Flag and LONDON on a sweater that it wears.  It is too tiny to sleep in my bed because I would no doubt lose it every evening, but it sits beside my bed and smirks at me.  Like he knows he knows that I miss it so much.  His name is Edward, and he reminds me everyday of my goal to travel so much more in the near future.

We are heading on a family vacation to cuba at the end of April, which is quite exciting.  I am excited about tanning with my sister and night swimming with my brother and spending much-needed family time with the people who matter most. After that, I am having surgery early May, and eventually Zoe and I are thinking of going to New York City for an extended long weekend of some sort.  I think we should get planning this, maybe I’ll speak to her about it this weekend.  I find planning a trip in the future helps get me through the stressful days and weeks that are going to be the next two.  Until April fourth I will not be able to breathe that easily, oh the joys of being an undergraduate.

I enjoy learning in university to an extent.  I love listening to the most brilliant people I know talk about things that they are passionate about and are interesting and I have idea’s and opinions and thoughts about, that can be directed towards other peers and a conversation emerges and there is dialogue and conflict and interesting aspects of actual learning in front of me.  I love reading something once and then again and having an epiphany:  it was actually this way!  Those are the parts of learning that I enjoy.  I enjoy using my own analysis to derive meaning from texts and performances, and deriving theory and inferring details from cose readings, and connecting thoughts and lectures, and all of those kinds of things.

London was a different learning altogether.  We saw the city, it changed before our eyes. We saw the Globe and Richard III and the British Library and the Thames.  It was ephemeral, right before our eyes, and that kind of interactive learning (not saying the above discussions aren’t interactive, just in a different way) really gets me excited about learning.  That’s why I am looking for a practical-based graduate program.  Something where I’m not just sitting and reading and analysing to please someone else, but something that I can do archival work, or work in groups to create or conclude and discuss, or something that is researchable in a qualitative way.  Searching for these programs isn’t hard, but finding one that fits…me, that’s the issue. 

I love working with people, and being in the moment and smiling and using what I know to better other people.  Even if I didn’t continue on to a graduate university program I’d still continue to learn.  Despite the two online courses I’m taking this summer I will be taking an online Braille course as well as trail riding sessions, rock climbing excursions, and other active both physically and mentally to keep me up with the challenges.  Maybe that’s what I’m craving for graduate school, a challenge within my limits.

A challenge that is not necessarily going to make me feel stupid but something more demanding.  As if university thus far hasn’t been a challenge attacking my capabilities as a human being, I do not need anything more than what I’ve already been through stress-wise.  But something interesting, engaging, something I actually like.  It’s all relative because I learn better in a conversational setting where I am allowed to make mistakes.  I find that if you make a mistake on a paper or a quiz or a final it is detrimental to your grade, detrimental to your academic career, detrimental to…you.  I want to learn in an environment where if a mistake is made or the wrong ifnerrence is expressed that you can work it out and feel supported.  I’ve been in a few classes where that is encouraged, and I appreciate those courses.

I want more.

So as it comes down to the end of the term and things are winding and vacations are sprouting up and such, I want to keep these things in mind.  How I learn, what I am actually looking for, and staying true to the program that I know I want to be a part of.  I know that if I do what I do best something will come along that will excite me and support me career-wise.  I have to believe that, because if I don’t then what else have I got to hang on to?  I’m this far in a double English Theatre major, I have to have the faith that I will do soething enjoyable and interesting and engaging that will help people.  I just have to.

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