Seventy-Six

Day Seventy-Six:  I haven’t written a poem in two weeks

My throat is worse today and it makes me want to make a tea, crawl into bed and re-watch Sex and the City again.  It is cold enough in my room right now that my fingers are stiff.  I’ve been writing so much about my travels that it has inspired me to look toward my future travels this summer and beyond, and craving that tiny break between exams and my surgery/classes.  Relaxing, and the ability to not do anything productive on purpose is hard for me.  I have a hard time convincing myself that I have time to do this.  I never remember that I do have the time.  Today I did nothing productive.  I slept a lot, and read, and watched some tv, and I’m about to get into bed.  It was just one of those days.

Isn’t it weird doing something for just you for once?  Taking an hour and catching up on youtube video’s or treating yourself to that chocolate bar, it is a strange sensation.  I have a hard time, like I just said, convincing myself that I can do these things and feel okay about my work load while doing them.  This week is going to be a good week because I honoured those instincts to take a day completely off, and for that I am grateful.

I would love to write more about honouring yourself, or keeping busy but with something gratifying and fulfilling for you, but I don’t think I will.  It’s silly to preach something that I am just learning to do myself.  I will however write a bit on this empty feeling inside.

It happens every so often that I have an empty feeling, like something’s missing, and usually this feeling disappears after a while, but there’s always that time when I am searching for something to fill it with.  As the term winds down to the nail I find myself with little social time and a lot of busy days and tired evenings.  It’s hard to maintain a routine that doesn’t honour yourself. This empty feeling doesn’t feel like a person or a physical thing but more or less a conversation that needs to be had, or an experience yet to be experienced. It’s like I’m missing something important, and it’s frustrating trying to figure out what that is.

Or it could just be that I am craving the gained freedom that is the summer.  The warm weather, the low-key classes and increased earnings in the bank, and all around goodness.  The anticipation for the good weather alone is enough to make anyone a little stir-crazy.  I just wish spring would hurry up, vacation to start, and give me a place for this pent up energy.  I feel like all I do all day is wish and hope that tomorrow I don’t have to wear boots anymore.  I can’t be the only Canadian in desperate need of a melt down.  I also cannot be the only student craving summer.

There’s  a lot of things I want here, but what I need is to just accept the fact that all that’s coming, and I need to buckle down and get ‘er done so that I can finish this term with a smile.  And really nice aviators.

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