Seventy-Seven

Day Seventy-Seven:  It was Bright

Today was one of those days where I hardly spoke to anybody.  It was different from last week where I felt the lack of conversation weighing on me.  Last week, I didn’t want to be an introvert!  I wanted to socialise and be around people and it just hardly happened, which was why I was so down about it.  Today I went to acting and spoke to a few people, councelling, then yoga where I enjoy my instructor’s company but it was a class, and then home to write papers.  I’ve hardly said hello to anybody let alone have an actual conversation.  The thing that was different about today than last week was that I was content with this….psuedo-loneliness.

I sat at a table in the UC reading an Ontarion for the first time in ages rinking a chocolate Starbucky’s smoothie and notlistening to music, but listening to the people around me and smelling the guy next to me’s amazing subway sandwich that actually smelled like bbq chips and made me want some immediately.  I spent the first few hours after yoga running errands on the computer (sending emails, checking things, registering and dropping classes, etc.) and finally watching the season finale of GIRLS before embarking on my Elizabethan paper.  I think I’ve written the word Elizabeth more than my own name lately, and I’m okay with that.  I’ve spent today nurturing myself, which was one of my New Year’s resolutions, and I am really proud of myself for doing it.

Yes, I take care of myself.  I usually eat enough, sleep enough, take enough breaks, but it’s a rare moment to have a very busy, jam-packed day and still have time to enjoy the little things around you.  I woke up this morning still sleepy despite a good sleep and grumpy, and by the time I arrived on campus I was chiming “Have a good day!” to everyone around me.  Today was a good day, and this week will be a good week.  How do I know?  I just do.

If I’ve ever said that to you,”I just know, trust me, it will be okay,” I apologise, because it probably doesn’t help your situation, but if you think about it we live our lives thinking and dictating how we feel by the way we think.  If you think about the Titanic, and think about how sad it was and how stupid it was to not have enough life boats, then that is your thought:  you are sad.  I think therefore I am.  I feel like conjugating verbs in French class for ten years of my life improved my understanding of being just marginally, enough to really emphasize that in order to be something or to do something, I must first think about it.

AJ says a lot about this kind of thing to me, not that he ever applies it to himself, but things like I will have better sleep if I stop worrying about not sleeping, and it is true.  It’s the way we think about ourselves that dictates how we will be.  Today was a good day because I woke up today and made it so.

So what can I say?  I always tell people it will be okay, because I know it will, because I think the best of the people around me therefore I truly believe that they will be okay.  I wish everyone would think that they can do anything because then they would be able to.  Sometimes life gets us down, or throws a punch to the stomach we weren’t prepared for, but you know what we do?  We follow the Moffatts.

I get knocked down, then I get up again.

That’s the Moffatt’s right?  You’d think I’d google it but I don’t have the patience.  Also Microsoft Word wants to tell my Google isn’t a word, joke’s on them, isn’t it?  Have a lovely week my friends, because I know you deserve it.

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