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Three Hundred and Eighteen:  Jayzer

My mom calls me that.  She calls me Jessie, too, which I realised while getting my grad photo’s taken and the photographer asked what my name was and I went to say Jess and mum chirped in with Jessie and then he called me Jessie for the hour.  And it was weird.  I have a weird thing with my name.

I actually have always disliked my name, ever since I was “Jessica W” for the majority of my primary years and when I hit  high school I had the opportunity to introduce myself differently.  I went with Jess.  Teachers called me Jessica, and now it’s stuck.  Professionally I’m Jessica, anyone else knows me as Jess.  But my family knows me strictly by Jessie.  And I answer to Jessie, to them, but if someone tries it out… I don’t respond.  It’s not cool.  It just doesn’t work.

Then you get my siblings nicknames for me, like Jeb, Jed, Jedi, Blindy, all kinds of things.  It’s complicated to answer to these names to other people, and it sometimes irks me when people hear us talk like that, our nicknames, for example I call my sister Marissa Mid, and sometimes I refer to her as such in common slang without thinking, but if you talk about my sister to me and don’t say Riss or Marissa I have no idea who you’re talking about.  As universal as your name appears to be it is also an intimate relationship between you and the person you are talking to.

So what’s the point of all this?  I sometimes wonder if a name is important, really, to developing your identity.  I was talking with someone recently about names, and we were very interested in the fact that you are born and moments later named, without knowing who you are personality-wise.  Does the name make the person?  Some people change their name.  I have grown to love my name, because it suits me, but when I was younger I swear I thought I could’ve been Sailor Moon and it would’ve worked better.  Interestingly enough I enjoy hearing why people are named what they are because it says something about them.

But it doesn’t, because you don’t name yourself. Your name is given to you like your sex and other genes, uncontrollable.  But this is controlled about another person, your parents inherently give you your name, your superficial identity at birth,and you’re stuck with It for your life.  So bizarre, a massive part of your identity is determined before you can comprehend your own fingers.

To this I say grow into your own identity. I suppose you can change your name if you wish, but your name is not all of your identity, it is only an identifier.  Like my hair colour, my glasses, I am stuck with Jessica, but by golly am I going to embrace it.

Jayzer.

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