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Day Three Hundred:  Dating Myself and Counting.

After reading a rather motivated post by Carrie Fletcher I find myself identifying with her words not because she has opened my eyes or anything but because she has effectively presented what I’ve been doing for the past year. For the past twelve months (and counting) I have been dating myself.  I suppose there was a brief (albeit lovely) moment this summer (two months, sorry dear I do count it I promise) that I was engaged in a romantic relationship with someone, but it has been intended through the past twelve months that I have been determined on being alone and figuring this whole relationship with myself out. 

Carrie mentions that she hadn’t been disconnected from romantic feelings since she was fifteen, and that is similar to my own situation.  I had the first single Christmas in nearly five years this past Christmas, and it seems to be looking like the one coming up is going to be a single one as well.  I’ve effectively dodged any kinds of romantic feelings, it seems, and it has only brought me closer to…being settled into myself.

I spend a lot of meals alone on campus or elsewhere reading, treating myself, trying to figure out what I want to do and not worrying about another person in the process.  It doesn’t mean that I don’t have the capacity to care about someone romantically or directly, but at this particular moment I find it easier to root for me instead of carrying two people’s loads (which, to be honest, isn’t what being in a relationship is about anyway so good for me!).

I think it’s great to think of being single this way.  It doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t love a relationship, a date, a night out someone’s hand to hold in the cold someone to take out and worry about, but for now I can (try) to do those things for myself as much as possible.  Life, it seems, can be shared with a lot of people, and I’m figuring my way into sharing it with the people I care about from my own personal lone perspective before sharing it intimately with someone else.  I am thinking this is good for me, or at least that’s what I’m saying for now.

I guess what I’m trying to get at this brisk Sunday evening is that although I’m alone romantically I don’t feel alone in my life. Sometimes I might feel lonely or tired or fed up with the way men seem to be these days (my age, university, any man I meet it seems) but I am content with being invested in this relationship I have with myself.  It’s good, we sometimes don’t get along and I find it hard deciding on what to wear when we go out but I nearly always have a superb time.

I recommend it, it’s quite a nice time.

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