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Day Two Hundred and Eighty-Nine: Wed.

 

I feel weird.  I’ve had this unshaken-able strange feeling all day and it has dripped in from something unknown.  I feel like I should be comfortable but I’m not.  I’m second-guessing everything and worrying about applications and references and I don’t know how to..shake it, really.  I worry too much.  It’s hard not to though! I’m living in this world where I have no plan.  Do you understand how intense that is for me?  I schedule my every single day so I can be sure to make the most of each day, and it’s extremely hard for me to think “Ah, after April I have virtually no plans.”  I have no plans.  I have no plans.

 

I’m trying to figure it all out but there is no job lined up, no school for Fall 2014 at this point, no money, no motivation to get looking at it yet, and It’s…. Impossible to feel fine about it.  I do not like not knowing.  Why isn’t there a “Life Fairy” who drops into your life when you can’t find your path?  Kind of like the Tooth Fairy but there’s no losing of teeth or gaining of money, but there is a need I tell you, atleast for me. 

 

I saw a play tonight and it was well done, but dense and confusing with little plot that I could linearly identify.  I had trouble focusing on it for other reasons, but for the most part I sat there thinking those people have their life somewhat figured out.  They’ve been acting for a decade probably, and I’ve just begun my career as a… Jesus I don’t know.  I’m so tired of constantly thinking about what is happening next I’d just like to enjoy right now.  Too much.

 

It’s all just too much.

 

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