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Day TwoHundred and Forty-Four:  Keep the Car Running

I’ve spent the past few days in my own little corner in this big house, my little niche, and I’ve come accustomed to the quiet.  To my little routine, to the view of the tree’s out my window, and it’s been nice.    There’s something about being settled that makes more sense than not, and that’s knowing where you’ll be for a foreseeable amount of time and being confident that that is not changing.  How comfortable it is to know that despite everything else around me that’s changing this one thing will stay the same.  For now the sun is bright and that’s what I will cling on to.

Today is my first official lazy day, had no planned plans, decided to recharge and go to the gym tomorrow instead, and to clean a little and recollect.  The past few days have been nonstop catching up, it will be nice to settle into not only this space but a routine eventually, soon.    Settling, it seems, takes getting used to.  After living out of suitcases it will eventually be nice to settle into a permanent dwelling, but until then I feel as though it will just be passing through, settling and picking up just as fast.  The dust behind me seems to never settle.

That’s something that interests me to an extent.  I love settling in at a place, to settle into a routine, to settle into being me, and yet once I get too comfortable something seems to appear missing again, and I continue searching to settle again.  That seems to be how life is now, “grown ups” just search for places to settle, ways to settle better than the last time, and with whom, and while they settle they find things wrong with what they’re doing to look to a new place to go.  It’s not that we take what we have for granted (well, sometimes) but for the most part it is just looking forward, moving forward. 

I guess what brought this on was while “settling” into this me, this version of me that is riddled with worry and busy-ness and forcing myself to take some time to relax and be rid of that busy-ness I am existentially involved, meaning that I worry that what I’m doing may not be what I want, or what I should be doing, but who has time for “should” anymore?  I just need a little more time to be comfortable with this, with all of this, I guess.

Good luck settling in, all.

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