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Day Two Hundred and Forty-Six:  Sweet Forgetful Nothings,

Being around people is one thing, but being alone is a different deal.  You have to be “on” around other people, or atleast I feel as though I do, and it is exhausting.  I love being around people, or one on one with someone, or taking time out of my day to be with other people, but I have a breaking point.  It’s not that I’m overstressing myself already in the term, it’s that my me-time hasn’t met capacity yet, I’m not full up on recharging yet, and so I put myself around other people and find myself lost in trying to compensate for not being fully charged and yet continuing to be on.  Thus brings me to why I started this:

Patience.

We all, to some extent, have some.  I have been developing more patience after this summer, and I have gritted my teeth and bared the pain that is dealing with things on short circuits.  I have little patience for certain aspects of life, but for now my patience is good enough, better than it has been.  But the thing about me is is that if I am stressed out, maxed out on perky-ness to say the least, my patience depletes, and I seriously just want to lay in bed and close my eyes with no stimulants, no headphones, no talking no nothing just lay there, alone, and remember why I wake up every morning.  That’s a personal thing, and I need that.  Maybe it’s selfish of me, maybe it shows that I am not ready to be in a relationship right now, but whatever it does do it does not give other people the right to tell me how to live my life and how to fix things. 

I am imperfect. I have complicated logic and complicated thoughts and dreams and wants and needs, and I do not take advice well.  I love support, but thoughts on the way that I deal with things are the biggest pet peeve that I have.  I don’t really want to know what you all think about my views on life and love, unless I ask.  That’s my own prerogative, and if you have fancy words to say to me about it go right ahead, I am lucky and have the patience and capacity to ignore most of that.

But if you are close to me, and I ask you for advice, that’s super bring it on, but if I am just venting to get it out of my system, leave it alone.  I will give you the advice that I have when you need it, but if I am nearing my maxed out “perky” capacity I just want to vent and get it all out. 

That being said I am proud of myself with the patience that I have developed, and for that I will end this on a positive note.  Lots of people in my life do not feel the need to enlighten me on how to live my life, and that’s great.  I understand that people say things because they care, and if I am struggling I will come forward and say it (in many words and stories, in fact) but for now, dears, I am actually okay.  I am ready for this audition Thursday, I am ready for coursework to roll in and to start developing my play further.  I hope that everyone who had class today enjoyed it (to some extent) and those who are embarking on their last days of summer to enjoy it as well, we only have summer once a year, you know.

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