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Day Two Hundred and Fifty-Nine:  Decisions.

Eye-openers, they say, are imparted on us by people we trust, or strangers, but mostly we can only come to them when we think and understand in our own time.  I would say a perfect eye-opener for me recently would be the decision to not put pressure on myself to volunteer constantly this semester.  It would make me incredibly busy, but also it would drag me down.  I know volunteering is supposed to be giving back to the community, and it does make me feel fulfilled and all, but it also is a huge time commitment, and despite what everyone might think us university students don’t have all of the time in the world.  Taking off that pressure of my time opened up some more time for me to be able to take things a little slower, and after a few weeks into the semester I do appreciate that decision.

The thing is we don’t always listen to the people we trust for advice, and that’s a silly thing sometimes, but again we all come to our own realisations in our own time.  At this point I have come to a few realisations, and despite what I might want or need in the long run I think they will be good for me to have realised now, instead of getting further away from my dreams, I guess.

Sometimes it’s better to come to these kinds of things on your own, though, because it comes to you in your own way in order to appreciate those decisions.  I sometimes think it would all be better if we knew our decisions beforehand and then worked backwards, figured out why we chose those things in order to understand more about ourselves.  But alas, life is more of a linear timeset, and we have to figure out who we are and what to do at the same time.  It doesn’t seem fair to me.

But I guess decisions are essentially search-based.  If you make the wrong decision it only tells you more about yourself.  I personally don’t believe in mistakes anymore, because eventually all of your mistakes contribute to your being, and add up to creating you as the you you are.  Are they so bad then?  I try to not focus on the negatives and sort of get the best out of life, it seems.  Glass half full, right?

So I’m going to make a decision tonight, and in that decision I will trust, because I trust that regardless if it is the right one for me or not it will contribute to my future and present self.  Can’t change the past, so you’ve got to be confident and stick with it.

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