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Day One Hundred Thirty-Nine:  Patio Living My Friends,

What have we done to deserve this?  Deserve this hard-knock but relatively simple life.  We wake up, eat, work, chat, drink, live, and sleep.  There are minor details that fill in the spaces, fill in the cracks so sometimes things are ifferent, but for the most part everyday IS exactly the same.  Sometimes risks are taken, sometimes something new comes up, for the most part we all live, easily, comfortably, in the same way. Every day.

I am determined to have something to do after I graduate, to have a plan by the end of this summer.  By the end of August I will know what things are being applied to, I will know who I’m living with and where I’m going.  I want to have a direction, so that waking up and eating and working all means something.  I’m working towards something, always, I’m just moving forward, but I want to move towards something….stable.  Constant.  Is it so hard to ask for just ONE DIRECTION?

I crack myself up.  But in all seriousness moving forward seems natural.  I want to move forward…but everyone else seems to be moving toward something constant.   I have this feeling that…I might be moving toward something a little more murky.  A little more..more than one.   Does that make sense?  I’m not even close to settling it’s ridiculous.  I want to settle and move, go around and experience more than one place for a period of time. I’ve caught the brief bug of travel.  It needs to continue, or atleast across Canada.  I have all of these idea’s in my head, but nowhere to put them.

But here!  Just kidding there’s too many.  That’s the plague of constantly thinking and insomnia, is that sometimes things get caught up in your head.  MY head for example wanted to write about the sunshine today, but the subconscious was lurking and worrying about what I’m doing with my life so that’s what comes out.  It came, and now I hope it went.  Brief, movement.  Something new.

In other news the sun is shining and it is ridiculously bright and hot, I’m on the back porch writing here, thinking, wishing there were more fireworks tonight but also happy that I’ve had a lot of down time this weekend.  Come this week I will be extremely busy with hardly any time for relaxing, let alone “down” time.  I start work full time Tuesday, and then amongst the doctors appointments, birthdays, and extra-curricular volunteering I have two summer courses to keep up with.  This is the kind of summer busy that I enjoy, the summer-busy, or the just “busy” that I imagine post-graduation will be like. 

Another expectation ready for breaking, no?

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