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Day One Hundred Twenty-Five:  Winterfell and other Paradises

I’m late again for posts, so today I will write two.  I think I might write a few in advance just so when I’m exhausted this weekend post-surgery I won’t feel obligated to do tons of blog writing.  I’m having surgery on Thursday on my left eye, if anyone’s interested, and a good friend asked me last night if I was nervous at all.  I’m not, surprisingly, and if you know me you’ll be surprised as well.  I tend to worry and get nervous about everything, but it seems that this surgery is not as scary as the thers.

Although, with my no-doubt bad luck there’s always the chance of something going wrong, but I am really not too worried about this one.  I have to keep my prosthetic clean for two weeks, which just means minimal exposure to anything really, which also means that I may go stir crazy from staying inside, but I’m sure I’ll make the best of it, or wallow inside for two weeks, either way I’ll get through it.

Getting nervous is so natural to me that I don’t even know if I recognise it that much.  Maybe I am nervous, and it’s just a part of my everyday mentality now, I’m not sure there’s a way to tell really.  All I can do is just keep breathing and do what I usually do everyday:  eat some oatmeal, smile, and later on I’ll do yoga if I feel like it.

Routine helps me get through everyday.  For my previous surgeries I’ve had to change my routines completely even down to the smallest of details like on which side I have to fall asleep on.  How crappy is that?  Everyone has that specific way they go to sleep in, for me I have to lay on my back until that moment (you know what I mean, that moment when your thoughts sort of stop making sense, like if you’re thinking about the dentist and then the dentist turns into like Satan or Severus Snape or something) and I’ve recognised that moment but just let it go, maybe Snape is going to plant a garden in my mouth, and at that moment I turn on my right side and wake up the next morning.  During some surgeries in particular I had to just sleep face down, no exceptions.   Needless to say it is very hard to change routine unwillingly, trust me.

So for this surgery the only routine that’s going to be thrown off is not being able to leave the house and make normal plans for a while, which won’t be too bad.  We have satellite tv I’m sure there’ll be something on at every moment, not to mention the books and lists of things that need to get done before June, and I feel comfortable going into work.  I guess what I’m saying is I’m more nervous of the lack of routine change, maybe I’ll get used to this staying inside business and never leave again?  Probably not, but it’s still a tiny bit worrying.

I am anticipating the worst but hoping for the best.  Maybe I will go crazy and write some brilliant piece again like the last time, or maybe I’ll go through the entire Avatar Airbender series in two days like I expect to, who knows.  Either way, I’m preparing myself, and I think that’s what I’ll write about this week.

The Chronicles of Preparation.

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