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Day Three Hundred and Fifty-One:  Grudges.

Why do people hold on to anger?  I can understand when someone causes you pain and anguish and a hassle to be frustrated with them for a time, but when you dismiss your own selfish agenda and realize that we are only on this earth for a brief moment I time doesn’t it make more sense to appreciate the people around you?  And if there is something unforgiveable then let those people go?  What is the sense in worrying yourself over someone that matters to you?  I mean, I have m handful of grudge, I guess, for honestly unforgiveable things, but I am quite the forgiving person.  I do not like confrontation but I believe in communication and above all the importance of the people in my life.  If there is strife I want to deal with it or change something because it makes more sense to me to be on good terms with everyone as opposed to letting things go on and having trouble between you and another person.

Maybe I am optimistic?  Thinking that people would be able to  forgive others easily, and I understand that pain drives strong motivation for dismissing rather than letting someone back intoyour heart, and I don’t just mean romantically but I mean your friends and family, the people who you care about and care about you doing things to make you upset, what is the big deal?  If you love someone, and trust and care about someone, isn’t it more important to spend honest, quality time with them than spending your time being angry?  Is this a part of growing up that few people have mastered?  Is forgiveness even a part of natural reality?

Challenging reality has been an interesting thing to me lately.  I mean, “reality exists in the human mind and nowhere else, it is not external” was a line that I had in the play I was in recently, and every time I said it I believed it even more.  This bed is only a bed because our society and humanity has deemed it a bed, but by the confines of reality and out-of-the-box thinking anything could be a bed if we as humans believe itt o be so.  A bird’s nest is that bird’s home, but it wouldn’t be for us.  So then why do we deal with things in such abnormal ways?  What is normal is everything we know to be true is just true because we say it is?  Ugh, confusing.

All I’m trying to get through here is that reality is not as complicated as we think it is, but the complexity comes out of the relationships we have with one another.  “If we all could just get along…”  I understand that some people are mentally insane, and that some people believe other things and some people have strife with things because of pain, but is it all that important in the grand scheme of things?  We are all going to die eventually, and wouldn’t everyone rather spending the time we do have living on things that are beneficial to our quality of life?  What good is it being mad at anyone the whole time?

This didn’t come out how I wanted it to, but I am still confused about it all.  Maybe this is just the way that I look at my life, because I appreciate the people in it and try to be patient when I am angry and understand that life is honestly the most fleeting thing there is.  Just, you don’t have to get along…but atleast appreciate the fact that you have people in your life, okay? Okay.  Good.

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