339

Day Three Hundred and Nine:  Not late no way no how!

This evening was wonderful.  You know those moments, those wonderful mental photographs that you take of the moments you know you will remember?  Mine was today, when my whole family actually smiled and put ornaments on our tree and decorated the house together.  The lights were on, we went through four different Christmas mixed cds, and now we have a beautiful home to show for it.  These moments, these small bickering and jokes, sing-a-longs and irritations, are the moments that I will bring with me as I continue on my journey that is beginning to drift away from this house.  I lay now, in my bed in my parents’ house, after watching a live version of Sound of Music and a long father-daughter chat about life, school and theatre, I reflect.

What are we fighting for? In life, what is it that we want?  A good job? Maybe.  A family? Sure, to be happy? Absolutely. To help people?  If I can.  But more than anything I want to continue to have wonderful moments, and if that means travelling, surrounding myself with wonderful people, and working hard for things that I am passionate about then so be it.  Exams are worth it, because they challenge me and bring me closer to that goal.

So I am trying to take every moment for what it is. My grandma called today during a commercial break but the conversation lasted a little longer than the break, and I got a little irritated, but then, after twenty seconds of it, I realised how lucky I am to be talking to her on the phone, and felt guilty and cherished that conversation.  How lucky is it that I get to spend December 8 9 and 10 in Guelph drinking copious amounts of tea and humming Christmas carols while I study?  I mean, it could be worse.

What a cliché, but it honestly helps me work through my life.  My situation could honestly be worse.  What kind of ingrate am I complaining about my life being hard?  I mean, to be fair, I have a lot of obstacles to climb over to even start studying let alone function properly, but I have a house and clean water, and a ton of other wonderful things.  This life, no matter how many silly exams, is worth it.

And it should be worth it.  What’s the point, otherwise?  And to anyone who is confused, or lost or having a hard time, change.  Change something.  I don’t mean change yourself, but make a small change that could help you get to where you want to be.  No one has it all figured out ever, but we all want to feel like we are worth it.  And you, friend, are worth it.

X