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Day Three Hundred and Forty-Seven:  Naked

We all find beauty in the things that we appreciate.  We find beauty in things that we find attractive or alluring.  We find beauty in the people we love.  But we hardly find beauty in ourselves.  The thing about body image for me right now is that I don’t kno what to think about it.  Is there a time in your life where you end up actually liking the way you look?  Is this new?  And why does it matter so much to me if I have a little tummy or not?  Self satisfaction and being okay with who you are seems as unattainable as ever at this moment, and nothing I do seems to change a thing.

When I look at my friends I  find them all beautiful, but it is hard to look at myself and see the beauty in me without someone telling me.  I shouldn’t have to have validation from someone else it is true but I can’t help it.  And that’s something that frustrates me to no end.  I can complain about my body to anyone who will listen and say that I can’t help the fact that I feel this way and they scoff.  But everyone feels this way.  Everyone is self conscious, and we know it is stupid and we continue to do it anyway.

Bodies are supposed to be different.  How else would we tell eachother apart?  And people who worry about men finding them attractive or not in my opinion are attracting the wrong people.  Yes, I’d ideally like to find my own Ryan Gosling who seasonally age like Hugh Laurie, but if I end up with a compassionate, fun, caring man then that is better in my books.  I would rather be loved for my insides than my outsides, the latter is an added bonus.

So why does it bother me so much?  My body, I mean, why can’t I just accept that I could get more cardio and I could do more ab workouts but at this moment right now this is me and deal with that?  Why be so negative?  Its essentially neurological and I can’t help this negativity, but I wish I could shove it away.  IT comes in bouts, where some days it sticks longer, and sometimes I think I look cute and I just wish I could look that way forever.  Looks are so….irritating.

Not everyone can look like Emma Watson and Kate Upton,, but we can try to channel their confidence.  Everyone has something they don’t like about themselves, every person is vulnerable in some way it is our job to find the right people to surround ourselves with who do not allow their vulnerabilities to hinder their ability to love.

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