Forty Five

Day Forty Five:  ;

But I can’t remember when I started to learn all these things, I remember just knowing things.  I remember just knowing that my hand was a hand, or that the red light means stop.  I just know them.

But why?  How?  It seems so much deeper, neurological, or should be.

Not everything needs to make sense.  Or at the very least not everything always needs to make sense just to you.

Are you going to step off the bus now?  I’ve been waiting five minutes.

Like I was saying, how did I learn to step?  I can’t remember the first, maybe someone does but I doubt it.  I remember always stepping, but never how it happened.

Step off the bus.

And  into what?  The dirt?  I would’ve much preferred to step off into some concrete pool of heat, instead of this dust-bin you’ve brought me to.

My hand’s in front of you, just get off the bus now.

Now tell me how you learned.

Learned to what?

Learned driving, your stepping, breathing, tell me exactly how you learned.

Take my arm we can avoid these bushes, to get down to the lake, to get down to the group=

Or how to blink because I’m sure you do, to blink and to smile, how did you learn?  I can’t remember how I learned, I don’t even know if this is a smile, is this a smile?  Is this blinking?  Am I stepping?

Further and further behind.

What?

I said we are further behind with every blink, step, and smile, can we go now?

You haven’t told me anything!

And I don’t need to.  You need to take my arm so we can get on with the group, so we can get on with this day, so eventually I can drive you back home and I can finish my day, and sleep.  Now take my arm.

Take blinking for instance.  I’m sure it is sensational.  To at one moment see the sunlight and then to not, I can imagine it being very…sensational.  Is blinking sensational?  Or is it just like nothing?  Do you blink because your eyes are heavy?  Or does your eye just feel like closing at that moment in particular?  How does one learn? 

How we learned isn’t important it’s that we continue to do it, now grab my arm.

I think you’re missing the point.

I think you’re missing this class.  You want to learn?  We should get down to the lake.

If learning how isn’t the point then why bother?  Let’s just get back on the bus and you can describe to me your first thoughts, are they sensational, too?

There’s a scene stuck in my head and this is the closest I’ve gotten to getting out, first time I’ve tried in a while and it came out…not so great, but it’s me trying to get it out of my head atleast.  I am hoping to keep trying eventually, it’s getting harder and harder to not write blog posts and keep writing creatively everyday.  Good thing I chose the shortest month in the year to do this..I’m so clever.  Alright, bed.

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